The Awe of New Life
Our new baby donkey and lots of tears
Sometime between lunch and Solomon’s afternoon nap yesterday, a mini donkey foal was born on our land. I took Zen to check on the donkeys water as the days are warming up out here and Florence wasn’t at the trough. As I scratched behind Rose and Zelda’s ears, I had a sense that Florence had given birth. The air was still, the sun was just overhead, and as I stood there staring up at their paddock, I knew I should go check to see what was going on.
I approached the gate slowly. When I came all the way up to it, I saw Florence and her foal standing side by side staring at me. Within seconds tears welled up in my eyes. I let myself cry, feeling a warm sensation spread throughout my body. It’s difficult to articulate all the emotions that flowed through my system, but what really felt the strongest were deep waves of awe. Zen stood next to me quietly, looking up at my tears, holding on to my leg. I began speaking to Florence in a gentle, encouraging voice. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride even though I had nothing to do with the birth. She navigated that experience with her foal, just the two of them in the paddock. Given that Zelda and Rose were so calm, I knew it was a relatively easy birth. I remembered our vet saying that when it goes well you won’t know she’s giving birth, you will just see her foal when they make it Earthside.
As I spoke to Florence and eventually to her foal, welcoming him in, I had this experience of feeling that time was suspended. Things slowed down. I felt my entire nervous system synced up with Florence. Things slowed down more. I was on postpartum donkey time, which felt even slower than regular donkey time! This probably sounds strange, but I felt like I was receiving a healing, being in the field with them. Later in early evening when I went back to visit them, I felt the same thing, a healing energy, and at that point connected the dots between some of the research on awe I have been exploring, and how deeply regulating it is to experience.
A couple of days ago I set aside time to write this Sunday letter, and nothing came. I tried to write through the lack of inspiration and I just couldn’t get any words down. Typing this right now everything is flowing freely. It’s such a welcome reminder to me to trust the process with my writing, with my life, with these donkey. In this moment what is most salient is my experience of meeting this foal and it is filling me with so much delight to write today.
A few minutes before we headed inside as a family for bath time last night, Zen road his balance bike for the first time. He took off down the road laughing, Solly a few feet ahead on his bike cheering his brother on. More tears welled up in my eyes. I let myself feel the joy.
Last night over a late dinner of homemade chicken soup, aka Jewish penicillin, Nic and I shared tears of gratitude for the life we have been creating. These last few months have been tough for several reasons. Between our young children, off and on illnesses, the recent storm damage, and everything else we have on our plates, it can feel challenging to sense into what is working, what we are grateful for, and the moments of awe that reveal themselves to us each day. At one point we held hands, the tears flowed, and we gave ourselves some space to take in the joy that is right there waiting for us.
In some ways Starlight’s birth did suspend time. It gave our whole family a pause, a chance to redirect our hearts, and some room to integrate the blessings that are unfolding right before our eyes.
With care,
Ashley
PS
Nic chose the name for our foal, Starlight, and yes it’s a Rainbow Brite reference ;)
This is an old column from my previous newsletter that I am bringing back! Each week you can expect a curated list of what I’ve been giving my attention to:
Drama Free by Nedra Glover Tawwab is must read for anyone with a dysfunctional family of origin
How a little awe can improve health, this research is incredible!
The hatchery where we got many of our chicks!
A great beginners guide to raising chickens
Make Noise, such a great read on podcasting and yes I am starting a podcast—can’t wait to share more soon!
The chicken coop I am coveting, trying to see if we can make a version of this for our climate
So much resonance in this conversation with Dr. Becky on We Can Do Hard Things
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