Oh wow, feeling this hard. I moved to London a year ago and yeah, it's still a city demanding a lot of consumption. Still, I was confronted with what felt like my disordered rigidity about health and "wellness." not so much supplements but sure, the services, the best produce, the mushroom coffee, $20 salads. Here- everyone kept making me toast with ... BUTTER. I didn't have access to any of my fancy elixirs or my rigid routines. Turns out I look exactly the same eating carbs as I did only eating salads. I look pretty much the same without the facials or the fancy creams. No one around me seems that bothered about creating any illusions of agelessness or success. Somehow I landed in front of a mirror that showed me that I wasn't as healed from consumption and wellness culture as I thought by being somewhere very different.
I relate to how you described your disordered rigidity about health and “wellness”. I have had similar experiences moving to the country, pretty much nobody here is trying to create any illusions about agelessness or success!
I went back to LA this summer for this first time in two years. Stepping into the vortex of not feeling good enough, young enough, rich enough was uncomfortable at first. I felt so out of place. I did not fully realize how much I had changed. How much my priorities had shifted. Like you I wasn’t as healed as I thought I was either and it took me leaving the bubble of LA to see it clearly.
I'm English and elderly and live very simply in the countryside. It seems to me extraordinary and bizarre that so much of young or youngish American culture is devoted, it seems to me obsessionally, with appearance, performance, possessions and ownership. And manifesting! What?? Of course these things exist everywhere in every nation, some more than others. But I do think in Britain we're just not that fixated on it all. Or if we are when young we do grow out of it fairly fast. We're not terribly bothered by difference or eccentricity and take it as the norm. Though perhaps in the US it's limited to certain places and sectors of society, and everyone else is just muddling along like the rest of us...
The six-figure lifestyle is celebrated and coveted. But there’s an ugly truth that hides behind the success facade. I applaud your courage in peeling the curtain back and exposing it. Small is big. Small is good. Small is enough. Let’s together celebrate the goodness of SMALL.
Is this what Nic was encouraging you to write about? Either way, I’m here for this.
Addressing my overworking - my last vice - these last four years has been harder in that my disordered eating wasn’t encouraged but my striving, insane work ethic, and success was rewarded.
I love that you’re traversing this burn out territory. As I unhook my worth from how much I accomplish, I can see why you (and me) were so hooked into it. And I love that you’re finding your way out of it! After five years of working on this for myself, I now find myself have a visceral rejection of hustle culture.
And, it’s a beast to unravel. Can’t wait to read and learn more from you let journey Ashley. Xoxo
I really hear you. This work has been much more challenging for me than navigating alcohol and substance abuse. By a long shot.
Unhooking your worth from how much you accomplish- I feel this at a cellular level. The night I peed on the floor was seven years ago. I feel that I am just starting to turn a real corner in this journey. The layers and programming run so deep in my body, lineage and our culture. I can see why we were so hooked in too!
I love what you wrote about having a visceral rejection of hustle culture. I feel that too. My body gets tense and I physically pull away like taking my hand off a hot stove.
I am so grateful to be unraveling all of this along side of you Ali. 💛
We're forced to develop "complexity fitness" as we say in developmental psychology. Practically put, there are times we need to hustle AND it doesn't have to be our default. We need to include and transcend so we understand we have other options and modes of work and accomplishment (I've been exploring a more expansive idea of ambition these past few years, one that honors my body and connection to source instead of more just for more's sake).
What I've found for me is it requires discernment and really tuning into the present, instead of my nervous system default which is to contract, grind, and restrict my needs in hopes accomplishing more will provide me that feeling of "enoughness".
And then I have to hold the fear of scarcity culture that is real and perceived that says "more, more more" while also making it feel like there's not enough for everyone.
If it weren't for going through menopause and postpartum at the same time, I'd probably still be denying I need to change! But the physical limitations (or invitation into the freedom I'm tasting more and more with space and joy outside of work!), leveled me and made it impossible to keep hustling.
I love your hot stove example. And to think all these years we were like yes, this burn feels good. Oh geesh!
If your game, I'd love to have you back on Insatiable in the near future to promote your new book and frame it around this conversation. xo
Thanks Ali. Your comments and Ashley's post remind me of something one of my teachers, the late Wilbert Alix once said: " Your mind can lie to you. Your body never will." Years later, I am still working with that powerful bit of guidance and wisdom. It's not about "either-or". It's about bringing mind and body into congruent alignment all the while understanding that everything misaligns and indeed needs to misalign from time to time. (When I perfect the riding of that paradoxical wave I'll get back you!)
I'm recovering from burnout and adrenal fatigue now, and oh how I relate to this. I have felt called to explore leaving Los Angeles for similar reasons. The 'keeping up with the Joneses' culture is so insidious and difficult to extricate yourself from. I'm looking forward to reading part 2 and hearing more about your journey!
I feel you Kait. That culture was so much for my nervous system, it really took hold! It takes a lot of work to extricate yourself from it. I have friends who have done it and it has been amazing for them. It just wasn't my path. In someways leaving LA was bittersweet but looking back it was definitely the right move for me. Grateful to connect with you and I look forward to sharing part 2 in a few days ;)
Relate to this hard. I also developed adrenal fatigue from pushing too hard. All I wanted was to hit six figures with my course and coaching business, and I felt so unworthy because I couldn’t quite make it! What started out as an expression of joy and purpose turned into something depleting and soul destroying. I had to take several years off to heal, but I’m now kinda grateful I didn’t create success that way because the launch cycles were horrible for my nervous system. I’m still trying to figure out a new path, but it’s so nice to hear I’m not the only one who experienced this!
I so relate to something that starts off as creative expression turning into something depleting. Ugh those launch cycles! I feel that. I am so glad you took those years off to heal. I am still trying to figure out a new path too. Rooting for you❤️
Your story a bit reminds me that of Tyson Fury. He worked his ass off to become the heavyweight boxing champion of the world only to find out that all this was empty.
And he fell apart after that, he retired from boxing and almost lost his life.
Luckily he reinvented himself and understood his calling and he is at a much better place now.
I feel that you have found your home too and your heart is in the right place.
Thanks for sharing about Tyson here Yannis. I know there are other examples out there too, Ariana Huffington comes to mind right now. I’ve been drawn to reinvention stories since I was a kid. I guess my intuition already knew what was in store ;)
Beautiful!!! I love the insight and wisdom you gleaned from your experience. Happiness comes from within, but often times we need to discover this ourselves. Sometimes the road can be rocky. I love how you came out with fresh eyes and a new perspective. Thanks for sharing!
So true Bryn! Yes, there were many rocks on this particular journey, probably at least a few more up ahead too ;) Thank you for jumping into the conversation.
I'm smiling, thinking of your last post where Nic mentioned it wasn't that interesting or something to that effect. Hmm, you've more than made up for it this week. My husband Rick is equally great when it comes to encouraging my best writing aka offering constructive criticism. I'm truly grateful for his feedback always, even if it isn't what I want to hear.
I am laughing reading your first sentence Sue, thank you. I love that your husband Rick encourages your best writing as well. I relate to feeling grateful even when it’s not what I want to hear either. Excited to share part 2 with you next week💫
Ooof Ashley. This journey of yours is all too common, and sadly disguised as "wellness." Thank you for breaking open the cocoon to reveal the messy insides that, if not addressed, will still remain—no matter how many Erewhon trips one makes.
So well said Dr. Gladys, disguised as “wellness”. The insides are messy and must be addressed as you pointed out. Thank you for being part of this conversation.
Forever grateful for your transparency, vulnerability and insight. As someone who was deeply magnetized to you for many of the reasons you share above (successful breathwork practice, speaking engagements etc), following this second part of your journey is even more. I'm not sure what the word is but maybe the first to come to mind is....even more connected. So looking forward to part two and letting these words ruminate in my brain and integrate in my body.
Thank you Valentina. I am touched by your words and am holding your share close today. I have parts that feel that this chapter of my life is much less interesting on paper but your word really lands with me. I feel much more connected in my own life and am grateful that you are feeling even more connected to this part of the journey. Thinking of you and again just want to reiterate how much your share means to me. <3
Thank you for sharing! I have a version of this myself… there is a much better life on the other side of Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome. I look forward to the next installment. 💗
That’s awesome!! Jenna is a dear heart ❤️ As a HD Guide I firmly believe it’s the best framework to understand our human-divine selves. Our chart tells us what our darkest shadows are as well as the golden gifts of our purpose. It makes me so happy to hear that your reading with Jenna was phenomenal ❤️
Oh wow, feeling this hard. I moved to London a year ago and yeah, it's still a city demanding a lot of consumption. Still, I was confronted with what felt like my disordered rigidity about health and "wellness." not so much supplements but sure, the services, the best produce, the mushroom coffee, $20 salads. Here- everyone kept making me toast with ... BUTTER. I didn't have access to any of my fancy elixirs or my rigid routines. Turns out I look exactly the same eating carbs as I did only eating salads. I look pretty much the same without the facials or the fancy creams. No one around me seems that bothered about creating any illusions of agelessness or success. Somehow I landed in front of a mirror that showed me that I wasn't as healed from consumption and wellness culture as I thought by being somewhere very different.
It is so great to hear from you.
I relate to how you described your disordered rigidity about health and “wellness”. I have had similar experiences moving to the country, pretty much nobody here is trying to create any illusions about agelessness or success!
I went back to LA this summer for this first time in two years. Stepping into the vortex of not feeling good enough, young enough, rich enough was uncomfortable at first. I felt so out of place. I did not fully realize how much I had changed. How much my priorities had shifted. Like you I wasn’t as healed as I thought I was either and it took me leaving the bubble of LA to see it clearly.
I'm English and elderly and live very simply in the countryside. It seems to me extraordinary and bizarre that so much of young or youngish American culture is devoted, it seems to me obsessionally, with appearance, performance, possessions and ownership. And manifesting! What?? Of course these things exist everywhere in every nation, some more than others. But I do think in Britain we're just not that fixated on it all. Or if we are when young we do grow out of it fairly fast. We're not terribly bothered by difference or eccentricity and take it as the norm. Though perhaps in the US it's limited to certain places and sectors of society, and everyone else is just muddling along like the rest of us...
The six-figure lifestyle is celebrated and coveted. But there’s an ugly truth that hides behind the success facade. I applaud your courage in peeling the curtain back and exposing it. Small is big. Small is good. Small is enough. Let’s together celebrate the goodness of SMALL.
Thank you Uma. I agree that small is big and am celebrating that with you❤️
We’re in it together ❤️
Is this what Nic was encouraging you to write about? Either way, I’m here for this.
Addressing my overworking - my last vice - these last four years has been harder in that my disordered eating wasn’t encouraged but my striving, insane work ethic, and success was rewarded.
I love that you’re traversing this burn out territory. As I unhook my worth from how much I accomplish, I can see why you (and me) were so hooked into it. And I love that you’re finding your way out of it! After five years of working on this for myself, I now find myself have a visceral rejection of hustle culture.
And, it’s a beast to unravel. Can’t wait to read and learn more from you let journey Ashley. Xoxo
Hi Ali! No, it wasn’t ;)
I really hear you. This work has been much more challenging for me than navigating alcohol and substance abuse. By a long shot.
Unhooking your worth from how much you accomplish- I feel this at a cellular level. The night I peed on the floor was seven years ago. I feel that I am just starting to turn a real corner in this journey. The layers and programming run so deep in my body, lineage and our culture. I can see why we were so hooked in too!
I love what you wrote about having a visceral rejection of hustle culture. I feel that too. My body gets tense and I physically pull away like taking my hand off a hot stove.
I am so grateful to be unraveling all of this along side of you Ali. 💛
We're forced to develop "complexity fitness" as we say in developmental psychology. Practically put, there are times we need to hustle AND it doesn't have to be our default. We need to include and transcend so we understand we have other options and modes of work and accomplishment (I've been exploring a more expansive idea of ambition these past few years, one that honors my body and connection to source instead of more just for more's sake).
What I've found for me is it requires discernment and really tuning into the present, instead of my nervous system default which is to contract, grind, and restrict my needs in hopes accomplishing more will provide me that feeling of "enoughness".
And then I have to hold the fear of scarcity culture that is real and perceived that says "more, more more" while also making it feel like there's not enough for everyone.
If it weren't for going through menopause and postpartum at the same time, I'd probably still be denying I need to change! But the physical limitations (or invitation into the freedom I'm tasting more and more with space and joy outside of work!), leveled me and made it impossible to keep hustling.
I love your hot stove example. And to think all these years we were like yes, this burn feels good. Oh geesh!
If your game, I'd love to have you back on Insatiable in the near future to promote your new book and frame it around this conversation. xo
Thanks Ali. Your comments and Ashley's post remind me of something one of my teachers, the late Wilbert Alix once said: " Your mind can lie to you. Your body never will." Years later, I am still working with that powerful bit of guidance and wisdom. It's not about "either-or". It's about bringing mind and body into congruent alignment all the while understanding that everything misaligns and indeed needs to misalign from time to time. (When I perfect the riding of that paradoxical wave I'll get back you!)
As a fellow recovering LA wellness scene escapee (for lack of better words!) I so so appreciate this post. It strikes deeply. Thanks for sharing.
LA wellness scene escapees… I am laughing so hard! We are growing in numbers. Thank you so much❤️
I'm recovering from burnout and adrenal fatigue now, and oh how I relate to this. I have felt called to explore leaving Los Angeles for similar reasons. The 'keeping up with the Joneses' culture is so insidious and difficult to extricate yourself from. I'm looking forward to reading part 2 and hearing more about your journey!
I feel you Kait. That culture was so much for my nervous system, it really took hold! It takes a lot of work to extricate yourself from it. I have friends who have done it and it has been amazing for them. It just wasn't my path. In someways leaving LA was bittersweet but looking back it was definitely the right move for me. Grateful to connect with you and I look forward to sharing part 2 in a few days ;)
Relate to this hard. I also developed adrenal fatigue from pushing too hard. All I wanted was to hit six figures with my course and coaching business, and I felt so unworthy because I couldn’t quite make it! What started out as an expression of joy and purpose turned into something depleting and soul destroying. I had to take several years off to heal, but I’m now kinda grateful I didn’t create success that way because the launch cycles were horrible for my nervous system. I’m still trying to figure out a new path, but it’s so nice to hear I’m not the only one who experienced this!
I so relate to something that starts off as creative expression turning into something depleting. Ugh those launch cycles! I feel that. I am so glad you took those years off to heal. I am still trying to figure out a new path too. Rooting for you❤️
Yes yes yes
Hi! ❤️😘
Hiii🥰🥰
Hi Ashley,
Your story a bit reminds me that of Tyson Fury. He worked his ass off to become the heavyweight boxing champion of the world only to find out that all this was empty.
And he fell apart after that, he retired from boxing and almost lost his life.
Luckily he reinvented himself and understood his calling and he is at a much better place now.
I feel that you have found your home too and your heart is in the right place.
Thanks for sharing about Tyson here Yannis. I know there are other examples out there too, Ariana Huffington comes to mind right now. I’ve been drawn to reinvention stories since I was a kid. I guess my intuition already knew what was in store ;)
Grateful for your share.
You are definitely a redemption story and it is great knowing you.
Beautiful!!! I love the insight and wisdom you gleaned from your experience. Happiness comes from within, but often times we need to discover this ourselves. Sometimes the road can be rocky. I love how you came out with fresh eyes and a new perspective. Thanks for sharing!
So true Bryn! Yes, there were many rocks on this particular journey, probably at least a few more up ahead too ;) Thank you for jumping into the conversation.
Thank you oh for sharing! Curious for Part 2!
Thank you for reading Em💫
Thanks for sharing with such refreshing honesty Ashley. Much to resonate with here and I'm looking forward to reading part 2
You are welcome Dr. Vicki, it is always supportive to hear from you. Looking forward to sharing more next week!
I'm smiling, thinking of your last post where Nic mentioned it wasn't that interesting or something to that effect. Hmm, you've more than made up for it this week. My husband Rick is equally great when it comes to encouraging my best writing aka offering constructive criticism. I'm truly grateful for his feedback always, even if it isn't what I want to hear.
Congrats. Great post.
I look forward to part 2.
I am laughing reading your first sentence Sue, thank you. I love that your husband Rick encourages your best writing as well. I relate to feeling grateful even when it’s not what I want to hear either. Excited to share part 2 with you next week💫
Ooof Ashley. This journey of yours is all too common, and sadly disguised as "wellness." Thank you for breaking open the cocoon to reveal the messy insides that, if not addressed, will still remain—no matter how many Erewhon trips one makes.
So well said Dr. Gladys, disguised as “wellness”. The insides are messy and must be addressed as you pointed out. Thank you for being part of this conversation.
Forever grateful for your transparency, vulnerability and insight. As someone who was deeply magnetized to you for many of the reasons you share above (successful breathwork practice, speaking engagements etc), following this second part of your journey is even more. I'm not sure what the word is but maybe the first to come to mind is....even more connected. So looking forward to part two and letting these words ruminate in my brain and integrate in my body.
Thank you Valentina. I am touched by your words and am holding your share close today. I have parts that feel that this chapter of my life is much less interesting on paper but your word really lands with me. I feel much more connected in my own life and am grateful that you are feeling even more connected to this part of the journey. Thinking of you and again just want to reiterate how much your share means to me. <3
Thank you for sharing! I have a version of this myself… there is a much better life on the other side of Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome. I look forward to the next installment. 💗
Thank you for sharing Lisa. Grateful for your presence and I look forward to your thoughts on part 2 ❤️
Have you heard about Human Design?
Yes! I had a reading years ago with Jenna Zoe and it was phenomenal. HD is such an amazing framework.
That’s awesome!! Jenna is a dear heart ❤️ As a HD Guide I firmly believe it’s the best framework to understand our human-divine selves. Our chart tells us what our darkest shadows are as well as the golden gifts of our purpose. It makes me so happy to hear that your reading with Jenna was phenomenal ❤️
She really is! The golden gifts of our purpose - I love this Uma❤️