I found myself wanting to quote some of the sentences here that resonate deeply, but found there are too many! Trusting, trusting all the things and being inside it all, no matter how uncomfortable. Our bodies always know, always have the answers, even if we've been conditioned out of that deep intuition.
We spend so much time looking outside for that healing, for the answers, for permission and for self-worth, and now there are so many unethical industries based on our 'need' for outside things to heal us too -- making it a never-ending journey (of course, I know there are many amazing people out there doing good work too). I try to base my client work on this, that they don't need me or anyone else, that we can all gently come home to ourselves instead, and find that trust again.
I have so much more to say about how much I loved this whole essay, too much to put in a comment, but I love this sentence especially: "typing my way through the muck to get to the gems buried deep beneath the surface." Such a beautiful image! Also it made me laugh, my first description of my Substack was very close to this! I think I wrote something like, "to unearth the hidden gemstones in our lives, to resurface..." You've put it better 😂
Thank you, Ashley. Always so glad to read your words.
Tazmin! I have been sitting with your thoughtful share since yesterday. There is so much I want to comment on! I love what you wrote about your client work and gently offering them space to come home to themselves. This is such deep work of witnessing versus being an advice giver, something that is much more nuanced, more of an art in itself. A practice.
I also love the first description of your Substack and how it aligns with this essay. Feels kismet! Here’s to continuing to practice trusting and listening to ourselves and our bodies. With care and love, Ashley
Perhaps, one day, we'll find time to sit down together and connect, as there's so much to chat more deeply about!
Thank you for putting it so well: the deep work of witnessing is in itself an art-form, a practice, and yes, very complicated and nuanced. I struggle sometimes to explain/put into words what I do, but often we need to come back to simplicity; it's witnessing, and that's all.
There’s so much insight, understanding, and care in this writing—thank you. I’m grateful for your therapist, for your continued vulnerability and seeking. I can relate so very much to this same experience, and you come full circle with the reminders to breathe, ground, and I love the ending when you write, “To practice deferring to myself.” - this is so hard for me at times and I feel selfish. Those early years and following years of gas lighting, suck it up, and not trusting our intuition create neural pathways of response that we can change—I am positive we can because I am. Much love with you and your family—creating a safe space of being held and in attunement for your children (self, creativity, all of it) is love. 🤍
Thank you Pegge. I feel so fortunate to have such a seasoned and gifted therapist. And I too feel selfish at times when practicing deferring to myself. I am unlearning so much in this process. Un earthing. De programming. I love to read that you are creating such change in your life and are deep in this work too. It is such a gift to know you are. Sending love to you and thank you again for your thoughtful and supportive reflection. 💫
Oh my goddess, this is sooooo beautifully expressed...I so relate and resonate. It feels like my thoughts are coming out in your voice. THIS insight into your sovereignty and sourcing the authority out there--it's SO in our culture, and perhaps even more for us as women--every sentence is quotable and packed with truth. I agree with Tamzin...almost too many resonant sentences to quote.
Thank you Ellen it is great to connect with you. Yes it really is ingrained in our culture and as you said, especially for those of us socialized as female. I have been reflecting on this at length since reading Elise loehnen’s On Our Best Behavior. Highly recommend if you haven’t read it yet💫
"The answers are woven into the fabric of my inherent worthiness, something that I am just beginning to scratch the surface of in mid-life. God that is both humbling and embarrassing to share."
I'm right there with you in this humbling and embarassing admission. I feel I'm at the early days of this realisation starting to actually settle in and change how I engage in the world and the way you've articulated your experience is so hope-inducing and inspiring.
Thanks for sharing this with such honesty and gravity.
Hi Jesse, thank you so much for taking the time to read this essay and connect. I appreciate you sharing from the early days of this realization and starting to settle into the change. This work really invites a paradigm shift in how we engage and show up. I am rooting for you as I know what deep work this is. Grateful you are here❤️
Really needed to hear these words today. Thanks for putting down on paper what’s been banging around in my head for the past week. You’ve said it’s eloquently here. I’m way past the raising kids stage, but your thoughts and feelings still resonate. It’s already inside of me. I have the answers. Trust the intuition bubbling inside of me. Beautiful.
Thanks so much for sharing here and I am glad to know how much this resonated with you. I love the imagery that you created in the last part, the intuition bubbling inside of you. I feel that💫
Oh my goodness I can so relate to the struggle of setting boundaries too late with my son, which always backfires! I go from asking nicely over and over again to screaming and then feeling terrible afterwards!! I recognize that speaking from a place of empowerment is what he needs and I desperately need, but seldom can access this space from inside me, but when I do it feels so wonderful.
Yes the boundaries too late always backfire here too! It feels wonderful to me too when I can access something different. My kids are needing much firmer boundaries and it definitely has me at my growing edge!
Dear Ashley, don't be too hard on yourself around getting your kids to go to bed. I think there probably isn't a parent alive who doesn't have this one to deal with! I'll bet every culture in every nation has their own version. It's a phase they go through, and then when they're adolescents you can't get them out of bed!! Being a parent brings us to our edges, makes us reassess and recalibrate, and that's good. My mother said to me before I had children 'it's always a mother's fault - you'll see'. And as I think all parents struggle to get their tinies to bed, I think there isn't a mother who doesn't feel guilty at some level, or a child, who, as an adult, doesn't hold their mother responsible for something. As a dear lady of 90 used to say 'it was ever thus'. With love, Kate
Thank you Kate. I always appreciate hearing from you. I am laughing as I read, the ‘you’ll see’. My 5 year old is already telling me that I am making him do certain things - another way of saying it is my fault! Thank you for this share and this wider context for all of us💫
Thank you for sharing the words and messages I too need to be reminded of. I am leaning into this all with you! It’s both a relief and discouraging knowing all we need to know is within us - at least for me anyways. Xo
Thank you for being here Dina. I am grateful to know you are leaning into all of this too. I really appreciate your honesty too, the relief and the discouragement. Felt 💫
This is so beautiful, so much truths that I share too -we are teach to no trust ourselves and to look for answers outside because someone else will know "better", but the true is that our intuition is our greats strategy and compass.
Ashley this is so beautiful and so comforting. "Trusting that I am not a failure when I yell at my kids." - thank you for this. Also - spending "chunks of time between childcare typing my way through the muck to get to the gems buried deep beneath the surface" describes exactly how I feel working on my art in this season with my 4 year old. Also! I deeply relate to the triggers at bedtime and how all consuming and sudden and scary that rage can feel. Thank you for showing that we are all in this together, showing up every day and practising and continuing to put down the shame.
Hi Katy! Thank you for sharing the pieces that resonated with you. I feel so in it with you and that is offering so much comfort today. Two of our kids were up all through the night and reading your words today has been a balm. And yes to putting down the shame! Needed that reminder too❤️
I found myself wanting to quote some of the sentences here that resonate deeply, but found there are too many! Trusting, trusting all the things and being inside it all, no matter how uncomfortable. Our bodies always know, always have the answers, even if we've been conditioned out of that deep intuition.
We spend so much time looking outside for that healing, for the answers, for permission and for self-worth, and now there are so many unethical industries based on our 'need' for outside things to heal us too -- making it a never-ending journey (of course, I know there are many amazing people out there doing good work too). I try to base my client work on this, that they don't need me or anyone else, that we can all gently come home to ourselves instead, and find that trust again.
I have so much more to say about how much I loved this whole essay, too much to put in a comment, but I love this sentence especially: "typing my way through the muck to get to the gems buried deep beneath the surface." Such a beautiful image! Also it made me laugh, my first description of my Substack was very close to this! I think I wrote something like, "to unearth the hidden gemstones in our lives, to resurface..." You've put it better 😂
Thank you, Ashley. Always so glad to read your words.
Tazmin! I have been sitting with your thoughtful share since yesterday. There is so much I want to comment on! I love what you wrote about your client work and gently offering them space to come home to themselves. This is such deep work of witnessing versus being an advice giver, something that is much more nuanced, more of an art in itself. A practice.
I also love the first description of your Substack and how it aligns with this essay. Feels kismet! Here’s to continuing to practice trusting and listening to ourselves and our bodies. With care and love, Ashley
Perhaps, one day, we'll find time to sit down together and connect, as there's so much to chat more deeply about!
Thank you for putting it so well: the deep work of witnessing is in itself an art-form, a practice, and yes, very complicated and nuanced. I struggle sometimes to explain/put into words what I do, but often we need to come back to simplicity; it's witnessing, and that's all.
I would love that Tazmin! And yea to coming back to the simplicity of the witnessing. So well said ❤️
Anytime, Ashley, I'd be so happy to do that :)
There’s so much insight, understanding, and care in this writing—thank you. I’m grateful for your therapist, for your continued vulnerability and seeking. I can relate so very much to this same experience, and you come full circle with the reminders to breathe, ground, and I love the ending when you write, “To practice deferring to myself.” - this is so hard for me at times and I feel selfish. Those early years and following years of gas lighting, suck it up, and not trusting our intuition create neural pathways of response that we can change—I am positive we can because I am. Much love with you and your family—creating a safe space of being held and in attunement for your children (self, creativity, all of it) is love. 🤍
Thank you Pegge. I feel so fortunate to have such a seasoned and gifted therapist. And I too feel selfish at times when practicing deferring to myself. I am unlearning so much in this process. Un earthing. De programming. I love to read that you are creating such change in your life and are deep in this work too. It is such a gift to know you are. Sending love to you and thank you again for your thoughtful and supportive reflection. 💫
God I can relate so much to this Ashley and thank you for sharing so vulnerably. The pull to seek answers outside of ourselves can be so strong.
Thank you Reid. I am grateful for your share. And yea, the pull can be so strong! x
Oh my goddess, this is sooooo beautifully expressed...I so relate and resonate. It feels like my thoughts are coming out in your voice. THIS insight into your sovereignty and sourcing the authority out there--it's SO in our culture, and perhaps even more for us as women--every sentence is quotable and packed with truth. I agree with Tamzin...almost too many resonant sentences to quote.
Thank you Ellen it is great to connect with you. Yes it really is ingrained in our culture and as you said, especially for those of us socialized as female. I have been reflecting on this at length since reading Elise loehnen’s On Our Best Behavior. Highly recommend if you haven’t read it yet💫
"The answers are woven into the fabric of my inherent worthiness, something that I am just beginning to scratch the surface of in mid-life. God that is both humbling and embarrassing to share."
I'm right there with you in this humbling and embarassing admission. I feel I'm at the early days of this realisation starting to actually settle in and change how I engage in the world and the way you've articulated your experience is so hope-inducing and inspiring.
Thanks for sharing this with such honesty and gravity.
Hi Jesse, thank you so much for taking the time to read this essay and connect. I appreciate you sharing from the early days of this realization and starting to settle into the change. This work really invites a paradigm shift in how we engage and show up. I am rooting for you as I know what deep work this is. Grateful you are here❤️
I feel like this was written just for me. The whole essay resonated with my experience at this moment. Thank you!
You are so welcome Becca. Thank you for taking the time to let me know. 💫
You are your own guru 😉 and so are each of us, we must get quiet enough to listen
Yes, that you for articulating that so clearly :) I appreciate your reminder to get quiet too, such an essential part of the process.
The misplaced-boundary-setting section (my word / how it is now filed in my head) is brilliant.
Thank you.
Thanks so much Lori.
Really needed to hear these words today. Thanks for putting down on paper what’s been banging around in my head for the past week. You’ve said it’s eloquently here. I’m way past the raising kids stage, but your thoughts and feelings still resonate. It’s already inside of me. I have the answers. Trust the intuition bubbling inside of me. Beautiful.
Thanks so much for sharing here and I am glad to know how much this resonated with you. I love the imagery that you created in the last part, the intuition bubbling inside of you. I feel that💫
Oh my goodness I can so relate to the struggle of setting boundaries too late with my son, which always backfires! I go from asking nicely over and over again to screaming and then feeling terrible afterwards!! I recognize that speaking from a place of empowerment is what he needs and I desperately need, but seldom can access this space from inside me, but when I do it feels so wonderful.
Yes the boundaries too late always backfire here too! It feels wonderful to me too when I can access something different. My kids are needing much firmer boundaries and it definitely has me at my growing edge!
Dear Ashley, don't be too hard on yourself around getting your kids to go to bed. I think there probably isn't a parent alive who doesn't have this one to deal with! I'll bet every culture in every nation has their own version. It's a phase they go through, and then when they're adolescents you can't get them out of bed!! Being a parent brings us to our edges, makes us reassess and recalibrate, and that's good. My mother said to me before I had children 'it's always a mother's fault - you'll see'. And as I think all parents struggle to get their tinies to bed, I think there isn't a mother who doesn't feel guilty at some level, or a child, who, as an adult, doesn't hold their mother responsible for something. As a dear lady of 90 used to say 'it was ever thus'. With love, Kate
Thank you Kate. I always appreciate hearing from you. I am laughing as I read, the ‘you’ll see’. My 5 year old is already telling me that I am making him do certain things - another way of saying it is my fault! Thank you for this share and this wider context for all of us💫
Thank you for sharing the words and messages I too need to be reminded of. I am leaning into this all with you! It’s both a relief and discouraging knowing all we need to know is within us - at least for me anyways. Xo
Thank you for being here Dina. I am grateful to know you are leaning into all of this too. I really appreciate your honesty too, the relief and the discouragement. Felt 💫
This is so beautiful, so much truths that I share too -we are teach to no trust ourselves and to look for answers outside because someone else will know "better", but the true is that our intuition is our greats strategy and compass.
Thank you Liz, I am grateful to know you share these truths and experiences. And yes, our intuition is our greatest compass. Thank you for being here.
Oh boy, this one hit. You said all the things I have been avoiding acknowledging myself. I read it twice. Thank you for sharing 🙏
Thank you for taking the time to let me know. I am so glad it landed with you. x
Ashley this is so beautiful and so comforting. "Trusting that I am not a failure when I yell at my kids." - thank you for this. Also - spending "chunks of time between childcare typing my way through the muck to get to the gems buried deep beneath the surface" describes exactly how I feel working on my art in this season with my 4 year old. Also! I deeply relate to the triggers at bedtime and how all consuming and sudden and scary that rage can feel. Thank you for showing that we are all in this together, showing up every day and practising and continuing to put down the shame.
Hi Katy! Thank you for sharing the pieces that resonated with you. I feel so in it with you and that is offering so much comfort today. Two of our kids were up all through the night and reading your words today has been a balm. And yes to putting down the shame! Needed that reminder too❤️
this is beautiful and affirming. thank you so very much for sharing. the world needs your voice.
Thank you Skylar. I am touched by your words and full of gratitude for you taking the time to share. x