My five-year old asked me recently if he could get rid of a part of himself. We were sitting in the playroom. He started sleeping on a twin bed in there a few weeks earlier after sleeping with Nic and I since birth. His body shifted from side to side as he inquired with the kind of earnestness I have only experienced from children, C
Thank you Blake. I am touched by your comments and the space that you hold for your clients. I needed these kind of moments too and as hard as I can be on myself as a parent, the times when I am able to be present and dig deep for my kids is profoundly healing in all directions. I know you get this on every level. Grateful for your presence here.
I love this. Just raising the question teaches that these feelings deserve attention and curiosity. He can't "get rid" of parts of himself. But he can come to know them better.
Thank you Dan. In all of my somatic training over the years, the healing invitation of a clear and direct question has been such a huge part of the learning. I think this is why people like Peter Levine refer to healing as an art form. Thank you for highlighting this. I am grateful for your reflection.
This is so powerful and beautiful too. Your interaction with Solomon’s part and where in his body he is experiencing it a new level of parenting. Evolution and the awakening path has been with me since my teens. I did not get to have children in this lifetime, and I’ve always been intrigued, and at times disappointed with the lack of self-awareness, I experience with many parents around what they could create with their child, if only there were more courses in that preparation. I reserve sharing because the nonparent is quickly invalidated by many. It’s just been my course of studying this lifetime. Really what my perplex is is that we have to do so much training for so many other things in life but somehow there is nothing really formed or mandated for the most important roles in life as humans. I also see how that provides a lot of material for growth and learning. Anyway… I’m very moved by your exchange and it seems from the entire energy of your place on Substack that this is not unusual for you. It reminds me also of something very profound that I read, in Geneen Roth’s book “Women, Food, and God” where she discussed an alternative way of responding to a child when they feel like their life(heart) is breaking for some reason. It is essentially what you did with your son. I can still remember the heartaches from the school playground. I just wanted to acknowledge you.
I really hear you Jennifer and am grateful that you took the time to share here. My experience of parenting thus far and I am only five years in, is that it is has required me to step into a level of my own healing work that in many ways I did not feel prepared for. Like you, I often feel disappointed with the lack of self-awareness in parenting and how something as life altering as parenting another human is something pretty much none of us are really prepared for, at least not here in the U.S. I also want to say that I appreciate you sharing as a non-parent and am grateful that this touched something in you. With so much care.
Everything Blake said- AGREED. Thank you Ashley for sharing this tender moment with us. My son is 3 and the tantrums are at an all time high. I’m practicing EQ, but sometimes struggle with the parenting side of it. This was so helpful, and something I will try. Big love to you and Solomon.
Thank you for being here. I really get the tantrums and the struggle to weave in the work that we are doing into our parenting. I love reading that you practice EQ. I have learned so much from Dr. Becky's work and her Good Inside community. Thinking of you and your little one and grateful to be on this wild journey together. <3
This was so beautiful and one of my favorite thing I've read in awhile. Stories like these make me feel so eager to embark on the motherhood journey one day.
Thank you so much Isabella. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this piece and share. I love that it makes you eager to be on the motherhood journey. That resonates with me as this experience with my son is one that I knew I would have if that makes sense. I knew motherhood would heal
Thank you Esther. Thank you for seeing this work and naming this so clearly. My partner and I often talk about how this is some of the most important work we are doing and it is also so undervalued in our culture. Grateful for your presence here.
Wow this is beautiful. I love how you shared your own struggles with your son from such a deep and thoughtful place. Your courage to go there with him instead of shutting the conversation down gave him such a gift.
Thank you Faith. I appreciate you being here and for recognizing the courage it took in that moment. It isn't accessible all the time, but when it is I run with it. x
“Our children mirror back to us our deepest work as parents, to integrate our most un-loved and un-healed parts.” This is so so true. When our son was little, I wished I’d done that integration work before he came along, because it was so painful to have to confront it when he was suffering. Yet that’s the journey. I’m in awe of your presence for your son in that moment.
Thank you Julie. I definitely have moments where I wish I had done more work before our kids got here, and then part of it for me is recognizing that they are bringing out the work too. I continue to be amazed by how much they have to teach me and how much integration is still possible, especially in moments where I need to repair with them.
This article made me teary! What a blessing for your son to have you as a Mum! This reminds me of a young boy I worked with, who used to get very angry. He asked me sadly once" "why am I like this? I don't want to get so angry, but I just DO and I wish I didn't.." It broke my heart! I reassured him that anger was totally ok, just to be careful how you act when you are angry. We unfortunately did not have the time to go into the anger above, like you did with you son. The integration of ALL parts of us, without shame, is essential to emotional health. Thanks you for a lovely and tender post. xxxxxxx
Hi Angela, thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece and share about your experience with the young boy you worked with. Such a touching moment you had together and I am glad you were able to support him in that moment. And yes, this integration work is so key for emotional health. Thank you for being part of this conversation. x
Such a thoughtful invitation and exploration that I have thought of and resourced from in my own motherhood journey in the days since I first read it. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece.
I am so glad to learn that it offered you a resource in your own motherhood journey Rebecca. Thank you for taking the time to let me know and for being here.
Thank you for sharing this. Beautifully expressed. It touched so many raw spots in me. I relate so completely to how you want to react to your therapist… I feel I could have written those exact words myself. What a lucky little boy your son is. To have someone who sees and cares so deeply for him. Your love is so evident and you’re doing such a wonderful job as a parent holding this space for him to feel his feelings and share them with someone who is not telling him he is wrong or bad for feeling them. ❤️
Thank you for taking the time to share Deborah. I am touched to know that you relate to the piece about how those parts want to react in therapy. I also really appreciate you seeing me throughout this essay. Grateful that you are here.
Beautiful. Thank you. You are showing your son how to be with the parts of myself that I continue to lean into and practice each day at 44. I’m witnessing my partner suffer with his shame and pain and how hard it is for him to be with and the lack of tools and skills he has to be with pain in a compassionate and gentle way. What a gift you are giving your son and self. Xo
Thank you Diana. I am right there with you on the learning. It takes so much practice to learn to be with ourselves in gentle ways as you wrote, especially when we did not learn this growing up. My hope is that our kids will have these kids of tools and practices to navigate the inevitable suffering that is part of living. Exhale. Thank you for being here. Thinking of you and your partner. x
Gosh. Thank you for sharing this but more, thank you for what you gave your son in this moment. I sit with clients every day and witness them grieve
the moments like this that they needed from their parents but were so far from receiving. I love the way this letter flowed. Such a beautiful piece.
Thank you Blake. I am touched by your comments and the space that you hold for your clients. I needed these kind of moments too and as hard as I can be on myself as a parent, the times when I am able to be present and dig deep for my kids is profoundly healing in all directions. I know you get this on every level. Grateful for your presence here.
"What does that hot part in your stomach need?"
I love this. Just raising the question teaches that these feelings deserve attention and curiosity. He can't "get rid" of parts of himself. But he can come to know them better.
Beautiful parenting.
Thank you Dan. In all of my somatic training over the years, the healing invitation of a clear and direct question has been such a huge part of the learning. I think this is why people like Peter Levine refer to healing as an art form. Thank you for highlighting this. I am grateful for your reflection.
This is so powerful and beautiful too. Your interaction with Solomon’s part and where in his body he is experiencing it a new level of parenting. Evolution and the awakening path has been with me since my teens. I did not get to have children in this lifetime, and I’ve always been intrigued, and at times disappointed with the lack of self-awareness, I experience with many parents around what they could create with their child, if only there were more courses in that preparation. I reserve sharing because the nonparent is quickly invalidated by many. It’s just been my course of studying this lifetime. Really what my perplex is is that we have to do so much training for so many other things in life but somehow there is nothing really formed or mandated for the most important roles in life as humans. I also see how that provides a lot of material for growth and learning. Anyway… I’m very moved by your exchange and it seems from the entire energy of your place on Substack that this is not unusual for you. It reminds me also of something very profound that I read, in Geneen Roth’s book “Women, Food, and God” where she discussed an alternative way of responding to a child when they feel like their life(heart) is breaking for some reason. It is essentially what you did with your son. I can still remember the heartaches from the school playground. I just wanted to acknowledge you.
I really hear you Jennifer and am grateful that you took the time to share here. My experience of parenting thus far and I am only five years in, is that it is has required me to step into a level of my own healing work that in many ways I did not feel prepared for. Like you, I often feel disappointed with the lack of self-awareness in parenting and how something as life altering as parenting another human is something pretty much none of us are really prepared for, at least not here in the U.S. I also want to say that I appreciate you sharing as a non-parent and am grateful that this touched something in you. With so much care.
Thank you. So generous you are. 💛
Everything Blake said- AGREED. Thank you Ashley for sharing this tender moment with us. My son is 3 and the tantrums are at an all time high. I’m practicing EQ, but sometimes struggle with the parenting side of it. This was so helpful, and something I will try. Big love to you and Solomon.
Thank you for being here. I really get the tantrums and the struggle to weave in the work that we are doing into our parenting. I love reading that you practice EQ. I have learned so much from Dr. Becky's work and her Good Inside community. Thinking of you and your little one and grateful to be on this wild journey together. <3
This was so beautiful and one of my favorite thing I've read in awhile. Stories like these make me feel so eager to embark on the motherhood journey one day.
Thank you so much Isabella. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this piece and share. I love that it makes you eager to be on the motherhood journey. That resonates with me as this experience with my son is one that I knew I would have if that makes sense. I knew motherhood would heal
and expand me in so many ways. 💫
Beautiful practice here. Go you <3 This, the work we're doing to support the next generation, is the work that matters.
Thank you Esther. Thank you for seeing this work and naming this so clearly. My partner and I often talk about how this is some of the most important work we are doing and it is also so undervalued in our culture. Grateful for your presence here.
Wow this is beautiful. I love how you shared your own struggles with your son from such a deep and thoughtful place. Your courage to go there with him instead of shutting the conversation down gave him such a gift.
Thank you Faith. I appreciate you being here and for recognizing the courage it took in that moment. It isn't accessible all the time, but when it is I run with it. x
“Our children mirror back to us our deepest work as parents, to integrate our most un-loved and un-healed parts.” This is so so true. When our son was little, I wished I’d done that integration work before he came along, because it was so painful to have to confront it when he was suffering. Yet that’s the journey. I’m in awe of your presence for your son in that moment.
Thank you Julie. I definitely have moments where I wish I had done more work before our kids got here, and then part of it for me is recognizing that they are bringing out the work too. I continue to be amazed by how much they have to teach me and how much integration is still possible, especially in moments where I need to repair with them.
This article made me teary! What a blessing for your son to have you as a Mum! This reminds me of a young boy I worked with, who used to get very angry. He asked me sadly once" "why am I like this? I don't want to get so angry, but I just DO and I wish I didn't.." It broke my heart! I reassured him that anger was totally ok, just to be careful how you act when you are angry. We unfortunately did not have the time to go into the anger above, like you did with you son. The integration of ALL parts of us, without shame, is essential to emotional health. Thanks you for a lovely and tender post. xxxxxxx
Hi Angela, thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece and share about your experience with the young boy you worked with. Such a touching moment you had together and I am glad you were able to support him in that moment. And yes, this integration work is so key for emotional health. Thank you for being part of this conversation. x
This is one of the most beautiful things I've read in a long, long time. Thank you <3
Thank you so much Alexandra. <3 <3 <3
Such a thoughtful invitation and exploration that I have thought of and resourced from in my own motherhood journey in the days since I first read it. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece.
I am so glad to learn that it offered you a resource in your own motherhood journey Rebecca. Thank you for taking the time to let me know and for being here.
Thank you for sharing this. Beautifully expressed. It touched so many raw spots in me. I relate so completely to how you want to react to your therapist… I feel I could have written those exact words myself. What a lucky little boy your son is. To have someone who sees and cares so deeply for him. Your love is so evident and you’re doing such a wonderful job as a parent holding this space for him to feel his feelings and share them with someone who is not telling him he is wrong or bad for feeling them. ❤️
Thank you for taking the time to share Deborah. I am touched to know that you relate to the piece about how those parts want to react in therapy. I also really appreciate you seeing me throughout this essay. Grateful that you are here.
Thank you for sharing. What a beautiful & moving moment for you & your child. It sounds like you have some experience with IFS?
Thank you so much Lauren. Yes, I have been working with an IFS therapist for a few years and have been practicing parts work outside of therapy :)
I hope it has been as transformative for you as it has for me ❤️
it really has! such a powerful framework for healing! so glad you are working with it as well.
Gorgeous attunement and being present with your son and the parts of us we often want you to get rid of
Thank you Jennifer!
Heart is throbbing hard for this story, thank you
Thank you so much Sarina.
Beautiful. Thank you. You are showing your son how to be with the parts of myself that I continue to lean into and practice each day at 44. I’m witnessing my partner suffer with his shame and pain and how hard it is for him to be with and the lack of tools and skills he has to be with pain in a compassionate and gentle way. What a gift you are giving your son and self. Xo
Thank you Diana. I am right there with you on the learning. It takes so much practice to learn to be with ourselves in gentle ways as you wrote, especially when we did not learn this growing up. My hope is that our kids will have these kids of tools and practices to navigate the inevitable suffering that is part of living. Exhale. Thank you for being here. Thinking of you and your partner. x